It may not be convincing for you that Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is not purely a psychological disorder. My blog views RAD as spiritual disorder. Thus, the healing strategies I recommend are from my insights on how I am dealing with RAD from the spiritual realm.
Five years ago, I went to 3 therapists appointments a week for my children. I also recall all those appointments for medicine changes with the psychiatrist. I exhausted all available mental health resources both public and privately funded. I spent a great deal of time reading books by authors in the Reactive Attachment Disorder world. 6 out of my 9 children were medicated with drugs for ADHD, OCD, and they go for therapy for their many emotional issues.
When our son had a demonic manifestation early this year, my whole perspective of healing changed. I had a wake up call. I realized that though I was a practicing Catholic, I separated my Catholic faith from the healing of our children. The healing of their souls was different from their healing from RAD. And, this was my first error.
And, slowly as I was drawn to the Church and Her Sacraments, every week God reveals some healing work for my children.
But, there would be times that there seems to be a great obstacle to their healing from no where. Or other times, it feels like their healing gets stunted and they regressed.
What I did not understand back then, is that our “pride” creates an obstacle to the healing of our children. The pride that I am talking about is the pride that makes us annoyed with our children. The pride that brings up labels for our children. The pride that tells us that “only us” can solve the problem of our kids and that unless we think another expert can help us, you won’t allow others to “touch” our RAD children.
We might even think that this is our God-given rights and that in smothering our children we are fulfilling our vocations.
The insight I am getting is that learning to be “meek and humble” are critical virtues in raising our RAD children.
It is almost like we are at “war” with RAD. And, then somewhere along the lines, we are at war with our children. And, then there is no peace between ourselves and our children.
My spiritual director keeps telling me, “Be like Jesus: Be meek and humble of heart”. I know that but really I am not perfect like Jesus. So, I am occasionally meek perhaps 10% of the time but I give my best 110% of the time. Does best effort count?
Meek and humble go together. This makes me think that you cannot be humble and loud. This means that in our tone of voice we have to be careful. Though we might be saying the gentlest thing to our RAD children but if our voice is loud and stern, it defeats the purpose.
We cannot also be meek and stubborn. It is an opposite trait. How many “rules of the house” do we refuse to bend because it makes life comfortable and predictable for you? How many of us will stick to our final word and risk hurting the hope of our children?
We cannot also be meek and domineering. RAD kids do not thrive on authoritarian rule. In fact, rebellion among our RAD children occurs because they feel we are tyrants. And, probably we are not. But, somehow our manner of delivery of the “structure” they need is not gentle and meek.
When we start aspiring to be meek, our whole demeanor changes. Our RAD kid might feel cautious that it will not last long. They will start to test out the waters again until you lose your temper. Then they confirm that really it is a hopeless world.
But, be steadfast. And, really learn how to be meek.
You need great examples?
Jesus is meek and humble.
His mother, our Blessed Mother, is meek and gentle.
If you can just be an actress for a while and act “meek”, how would you perform this role?
